one more day

’sometimes 24 hours in a day simply isn’t enough time if you’re a medical resident’

This was told to me by my senior resident while I was still in pre-residency training, and now having survived another hellish week, I see the logic in her thoughts.

Sometimes athough we may not mean to do it on purpose, it happens anyway. The one time that you missed a monitoring, the one time you let it slip, the one time you decide to sleep just once will also be always be the one time that something will come about, and it isn’t usually good. Alas, this is the path I chose to take and I’ll be damned if I let this get in the way of my goals.

This too shall come to pass.

lost in courtship (nanliligaw, naliligaw?)

Recently I had a casual chat with with some of the people I work with at the hospital. I don’t know if I’m just betraying my age with my answers or if they just belong to a different generation with a different set of rules, ideas, ideals and ideologies.

I told them that it’s been a while since I actually courted anyone to the point that I practically don’t know how to do it anymore. Guffawed was what they did, and they told me that it’s not a problem as less and less people actually do it. They further elaborated that now, a simple sms will suffice. Talk about being an old fashioned dinosaur.

Then there’s the courting from a distance (ligaw tingin) to which I probably have to admit to doing several times in the past. And for those who think thay know me already inside and out, no, it’s not who you think it is.

I would have wanted to stay and chat with them a bit longer but it was a duty night and there was work to be done and the night was young. Perhaps, at another time we might talk about this again, and maybe that time I’ll admit who I might court given the chance…

love and letters

[the following is an article I wrote fro the valentine's edition of the Aesculapian, official student publication during my medicine school days. found it while uncluttering the hard drives, and since it's been a while since I wrote anything here, this will have to do for now]

“a lot of people have asked me why I love you,

and I’ve answered back with a quiet smile,

not because I don’t have an answer

but because they would never understand”

 

It all started with a set of letters, one of which was written on the back of a chocolate bar, Nestle Crunch I think. She was apologetic for not being able to be with me at the youth leadership awards in Baguio. It was our “prize” for being allegedly the best among our peers during the youth week celebration. Until this day I still think about what could have happened had she come along with me on that trip. She talked about a lot of things on the pieces of paper that she sent my way. To say that I was touched by her gesture of friendship was an understatement. In retaliation, I responded with a six-page letter detailing the trials, tribulations and sentiments of my life at that time. I had opened up to this someone who was willing to listen to the ramblings of a fool such as me. It will just be a one time big time thing, I thought. No one in their right mind will entertain one such as me. But to my utter amazement, she wrote back. And so it started. An exchange of thoughts, ideas and emotions all meticulously written down on pieces of flyers, bond papers, stationery sets and anything and everything that we could get our hands on. It was something that I came to look forward to every single day, either to receive another set of letters or compose a new one myself to send. At that time it was my oasis in the desert of loneliness. It put order in this disorganized chaos.

It was in high school.

Then college came along. I really can’t say, but I think that it is in this phase of life when the letters became scarce. She’s probably busy I would reason out. I’ll write to her as soon as I finish writing this report or studying for tomorrow’s exams. There was always a reason why I couldn’t write. But whatever it was, it just happened and the time between each letter got longer and longer until finally one day, I sadly realized that there ere no more letters to come.

One of the last ones I was to receive was a letter that she did not even write using her own handwriting but was rather printed out using a word processor telling me that I will always be her soul mate. As I was watching an animated series on TV, I opened the letter and while the rest of the household were laughing at the show, I silently went away to let the tears fall more freely in private. It was then that I realized the no matter how much sugar coating you place the truth will always be a bitter pill to swallow.

 Time has come and passed me by. There was so much to do in college that I forgot all about it, or at least that was what I kept on telling myself. I kept busy with academics and stuff, but in the stillness of the night when the world stood still, I still think of her and pray for her happiness.

 Fate would give me another chance, but being the fool that I was, I just let it go.

 And though I might say otherwise, I still long to read her letters once again.

living, loving, leaving

In summary, book’s tagline tell us what to expect: a story of living, loving and leaving

Another excellent work by one of my favorite authors. But this time he deviates from the fantasy world and the unreal to people who you could probably relate to if you are in my age group. As the title implies it’s set or at least base elements in the story on the events that transpired in what historians call the Martial Law years, and the people alive or at least born during this time were called martial law babies. Without really having to broadcast my age, I too belong to this category, the youngest of which would be in their early twenties if you count that martial law ended in 1986.

Back to the book. The story is well written in a way that reflect today’s reality with memories of yesteryears that don’t use the usual flashback scenarios but rather what you and me and whole lot of other people are doing right now: Blogging. In a way, it bridges the generation that is now with the generation then. It also shows that no matter what generation you were born into, we basically had the same things in life, only the motivation and the circumstances surrounding them differed somewhat.

It’s a good read that I highly recommend, whether you belong to this generation or not.

almost forgotten

It’s been a while since I wrote something down here and it even came to a point where in I almost forgot my username.

Things may not be always the way I plan them to be and there are still unresolved issues that I have to attend to. But for now, I remind myself that that are still small things in life that no matter how insignificant thay may seem, still play a very important role in our lives.

reminders

“Rest if you must, but never quit”

I already posted a similar entry on my other blog, but I wanted to expound a little bit more here.

I happened to see those lines above on the top of my co-medicine resident’s “to do” list for the day. I guess it’s his way of gently reminding himself what we promised to do at the satrt of our residency training: we’ll stick together and get through this somehow, no matter the odds or the circumstances. And as of today, we have finished one month of training. That just leaves about two years and eleven months to go.

Seriously though, it was a relief to know that he too is persevering for his dreams. Not only once did he tell me the urge to quit has been beckoning. Fortunately, he has yet to give in. The climb to the top of our dreams and the journey that must be made is long and difficult, but having someone along to help carry the load definitely lightens the burden and makes the trip worthwhile.

(for jericho)

choosing happiness

It’s inevitable. In a few more hours a new year is about to begin. And as it has already been a tradition of most, I have been receiving text messages on my phone greeting me a happy new year. Of course I try to reply to all those who remembered as well. It’s also funny how sometimes it’s not really what the message is but who sent it that matters more. Suffice to say, she remembered.

Not too long ago it was a personal tradition of mine to make a letter to a dear friend just as the old year ends and the new one begins. I don’t quite remember when I ceased doing this, but I miss writing those letters as well.

As for the choice of title for this particular post, well, just a few weeks past, I had a case of the holiday blues and it was really depressing, had I not had other things to keep me busy.  Luckily, I managed to get over it. A special someone (though I doubt she knows how special she really  is) made me realize that the reality of life is that we always have a choice: we can choose to be happy or otherwise.

I don’t know about the rest, but for me, I choose to be happy.

genuinely happy

Just recently I learned that my best friend is getting married.  She was planning of telling me about this herself but another friend simply couldn’t contain her excitement and soon the cat was out of the bag.

I told her this was one of the undeniable proof that we have grown up, because I was happy for her.

Best wishes, best.

forgiven and not forgotten

As was expected, I was on hospital duty on Christmas day. Not that I’m complaining, these things you get used to when you’re in the medical profession. Anyway, it was a particularly busy day, like it wasn’t even Christmas for the doctors and the rest of the hospital staff on duty. It was around past 8 in the evening when my senior resident called my attention. She had to have dinner already, otherwise she would be grumpy for the rest of the duty. Not entirely her fault though, as she is a diabetic and has to maintain her blood glucose level. So, we feasted on our meal courtesy of the dietary (it was Christmas so the canteen was closed) before going back to making sure the patients were all doing well.

It was at this point in time that I realized that I have not even greeted her yet. I sent an SMS her way, not really expecting any response in return. Imagine my surpise when she did send a reply, asking me who I was. My initial thoughts were, ok so she even deleted my number from her list of contacts. Fine. But I did tell her who I am, adding it was ok if she didn’t remember anymore, which is not entirely true, by the way.

Imagine my surprise when I logged in to check my Friendster account and she left a Christmas message, two days in advance. It was then that I realized that indeed she has forgiven me for the things that have happened before, and that no she has not forgotten about me.

Thanks to her, I may still have a reason to smile once again.

pass me by

I could blame a lot of factors why this blog has not been updated, but truth be told, it’s just that my real life has been taking up most of my waking hours, now that I sleep less and less because of the residency training.

The sad thing about it though is that I have failed to record for posterity the events that have transpired on a day to day basis. Definitely no excuse for that.

I’m learning to adapt with my new work environment and everything else that comes with it, including the stress factor and all.

It would be nice to know what mypersonal inputs are in the next couple of weeks after the training wheels are gone and it will be the real thing already.

To end this entry, I will quote myself with what I always say when people wish me luck just before an exam:

“I don’t need luck, I need answers!”

And this rebuttal when faced with difficult questions:

“Sometimes the questions we ask are more important than the answers we seek”